Okay, friend. I have a confession to make.

I just recorded episode 101 of the Richer Retailer Podcast. One hundred and one episodes! Did you know most podcasters never make it past episode seven? So this felt like a huge milestone, and I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to mean something.

And then I did what so many of us do. I overthought it. For six weeks.

Should I do 101 tips? What’s the one thing I could say that would change your life forever? Yes, that is a lot of pressure. And that’s exactly what I piled on myself. 

When I finally recorded it, late at night after a super tough day, I sent it off feeling so proud. The next day Chris told me there was no sound. None. So I recorded it again, this time with a crazy cold.

But somewhere in that mess, it hit me. The way I was overthinking this one episode was a perfect little picture of everything I’ve learned in almost two years of this podcast. And it all comes down to four things. I call them the four C’s of a recovering overthinker.

If you’ve ever stared at an order sheet for days, rewritten an email six times, or wondered if someone is about to figure out you don’t know what you’re doing, this is for you. Overthinkers, unite!

1. Catch Your Thoughts

Here’s what my overthinking sounded like. Is this good enough? Maybe this one. No, that’s stupid. What about this? Not so great either. How can this be so hard?

You can already see where that’s going. Down, down, down. A death spiral.

There’s a verse I love in Deuteronomy 30:19. God says, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life.” Life and death. Blessing and curse. That’s a big difference! And it made me ask myself a question. Would I ever curse a friend? Would you? Of course not. You’d bless her. You’d tell her she’s doing a great job. You’d tell her she is more than enough.

So why do we curse ourselves?

When I’m in that spiral, I picture myself as the pilot of a plane that’s going straight down. I wrap both hands around the stick, pull it back as hard as I can, and say out loud: choose life, choose life, choose life. That’s how you stop a death-giving thought and turn it into a life-giving one.

The space where your choice lives

Years ago I saw Stephen Covey speak at a small seminar. He held up his hand and pressed his thumb and pointer finger tightly together. The thumb, he said, is an event. Something happens. The pointer finger is the reaction. For animals, there’s no space between the two. Something happens, and they react.

Then he pulled his fingers apart just a little. In that gap, he said, lives our greatest strength as humans. Our choice. We get to choose our response. What a gift!

Now let me make this real. I was coaching a store owner who had a vendor order sheet sitting on her desk for four days. Four days! Do I order six or twelve? What if they don’t sell? What if they sell out and my customer goes someplace else? Maybe I should order 24. Two colors at 12 each, or go big on one color? What if I’m wrong?

I’m not making fun of her, because I have done this too. Haven’t you? In that gap between the event and her response, she wasn’t thinking. She was cursing herself. I don’t know what I’m doing. I should know this by now.

The 2 a.m. scroll

And doesn’t this hit hardest at night? It’s 11 p.m., or 2 a.m., and you’re scrolling. There’s another retailer’s window display. Her packed event. Her gorgeous feed. And here come the automatic negative thoughts. She clearly has it figured out. Look at that traffic. I’m so behind. Why didn’t I think of that?

That is a curse. You’re comparing your life to someone else’s highlight reel, and you’re not getting the whole story. Close the app. Bless yourself. You deserve life, not the curse of comparison.

Catch the thought. Pull back on the stick. Choose life.

The lesson: The space between what happens and how you respond is where your power lives. Use it to bless yourself, not curse yourself.

2. Choose Life

You might be thinking, Cathy, didn’t you just cover this? Here’s why it gets its own spot. Those darn ANTs, those automatic negative thoughts, are so tricky. You can be pulling your plane out of the spiral, and something else sneaks in to attack you on the way up.

That’s what happened to me. I started looking back at my episodes. Okay, the one with Simon Trafford was really good. The ones with Joey and Melinda were so powerful. But overall? I could have done better. I was still beating myself up. A different kind of spiral, with a different view as you plummet to earth.

“Somebody’s going to figure out I don’t know what I’m doing”

Recently I talked with a store owner who has been in business for 12 years. She has a profitable store. Loyal customers. She knows her numbers. She has three employees who have been with her for eight years. And she said to me, “You know, Cathy, I still feel like somebody’s going to figure out I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Twelve years! Are you thinking that too?

At one of our CEO retreats, a client said, “I’m really just a nurse who opened a store.” She was doing over a million dollars in business. She was a great leader. But she couldn’t hold the value of both things at once.

A mistake is not who you are

Here’s the lie buried in all of this. Maybe you made a mistake on a buy once. You feel guilty. You’d do it differently now. That’s learning, and learning is useful. But “I’m not a real store owner”? That’s shame. That’s a curse on who you are. Those are not the same thing.

So let me tell you what’s true. You are amazing. Occasionally you make mistakes, and you focus on them too much. And all the people you impact every single day are so grateful for you. Your customers. Your team. Your vendors. Even the customers who don’t love you, which is totally fine. It means you stand for something.

You are a real business owner. You are a richer retailer. You built that. And remember, you never lose. You either win or you learn.

So choose life-giving thoughts. Bless yourself. Wrap both hands around that stick, pull it back, and let’s go up, shall we?

The lesson: A mistake is something you did. It is not who you are. Learn from it, bless yourself, and keep going.

3. Commit. Do It Anyway.

Consistency is a great, underrated, not-sexy power.

I have sent an email every single week since July 24, 2013, except for one week. Did I always want to? No. Did I sometimes write them late at night because I forgot? Yes. Did I sometimes make a mistake and have to redo it? Yes. Just like this episode! But I did them.

The same is true for the podcast. I committed to it, and I show up even when I don’t feel like it. When I don’t feel like it, I lean into what that resistance is about. That’s exactly what sparked this whole post. I kept asking, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I commit to an idea?

And the answer is that nothing is wrong with me. (My husband might disagree.) And nothing is wrong with you either.

You are so adorable

My coach Joey once told me to picture myself as a little seven-year-old girl, running around and playing. If you saw that little girl, you’d think, she is so adorable! Joey told me to say that to myself. You are so adorable, Cathy.

She even told me to put a picture of little me on my desk. Because when you’re in the middle of cursing yourself, would you curse that little girl? Of course not. You’d tell her she can’t lose. She’ll either win or learn.

None of your mistakes decide who you are. Do you sometimes pass gas? Of course you do. (In our house we call it a foof.) Do you sometimes forget deodorant? Order too much or too little? Of course! None of that changes who you are. Your commitment to consistency is what matters.

The ones who keep showing up

I think about the clients I’ve watched build real businesses over the years. It wasn’t the ones with the fanciest ideas. It was the ones who kept opening the store on Monday after a brutal weekend. Who kept sending emails even when they thought nobody read them. Who kept doing the markdowns they were nervous about, because they trusted the plan.

At RETAILMavens we have a weekly accountability call called the PIC Crew. PIC stands for Planning, Implementation, and Commitment, because that’s what it takes. The people who get the furthest ahead are the ones who come back the next week and say, “This week took a hard turn and I didn’t get it done.” And then everyone supports them. That’s bravery. As Brené Brown teaches, you have to be vulnerable to be courageous.

It’s why I love college sports so much. Those athletes don’t know if they’ll ever play the sport they love again after college. They don’t always feel like going to practice. They have tests and conflicting priorities, just like we do. But they get out there and give it their all.

That’s what we do too. I see you doing it.

The lesson: You don’t have to feel like it to do it. Showing up again and again is what builds a real business.

4. Confront the Armor

This is the big one. This is the one I really need you to hear, because it’s exactly what I was doing.

Overthinking is the armor we put on to protect us when we’re scared of being wrong.

I worked hard to choose the word confront. You have to confront the armor first, so you can actually see it. Then you can confess it, to yourself and even to others.

Where is overthinking showing up for you?

That order sheet you’ve been staring at for four days. The email you’ve rewritten six times. (Oh my goodness, I do this so often. I could have Claude fix everything I write, but I want it to come from me. And honestly, my mistakes make it feel more like me.)

What about the hire you keep avoiding? The event you almost plan but never ask your team to help with? The owner-pay conversation you keep almost having with your bookkeeper? The price increase you know you need? You’ve heard me say it so many times. Your initial markup has to go up to be a richer retailer.

We tell ourselves, I’m just being careful. I’m just being reasonable. But that’s not thoughtfulness. That’s armor.

What the armor costs you

Sitting in that armor isn’t actually safer. It means nothing moves. The order doesn’t get placed. The email doesn’t go out, so your customers never get the chance to be impacted by you. The hire doesn’t get made. The price doesn’t go up. And it means you’re recording episode 101 at the very last minute!

We think we’re protecting ourselves from being wrong. But what we’re actually doing is guaranteeing that nothing happens at all.

And that armor is so heavy. You probably don’t even notice it anymore, because it’s just how you live. I hear you. No judgment here. But it costs you sleep. It costs you joy. It costs you presence with your family, because you’re sitting at dinner in your armor and you can’t even hear them clearly.

Name it out loud

The second you confront it, you can take it off. Say it out loud: “This is my armor. I’m scared of being wrong.” Or, “I’m scared of being judged.” Then set it down and walk back into the room without it.

You don’t need the armor. You never did. The customers who love you love you, not your perfect decisions. Your fallibility makes you more human, more lovable, more adorable. Your family loves you, not your flawless week. Your team is waiting for you to lead, not to be perfect.

The lesson: Overthinking isn’t being careful. It’s armor, and it keeps your store from moving. Name it, then set it down.

Your Rescue Line: Armor Off, Choose Life

I believe so deeply in the power of words. I thank my dear friend Pat Mussieux, a fabulous business coach, for teaching me that. I love mantras to get me out of a spiral. Sometimes I use Bible verses, because God helps me so much. And sometimes it’s just four simple words.

Here’s your rescue line. Memorize it:

Armor off. Choose life.

I love using it as a breath prayer. Breathe in: armor off. Pause. Breathe out: choose life. Feel that armor releasing.

Say it in the car. Say it while you stare at that order sheet. Say it at 2 a.m. when you catch yourself scrolling. That’s your stick. That’s what you grab when the plane starts going down.

The four C’s of a recovering overthinker

  1. Catch your thoughts. Notice when you’re in the death spiral, and pull back on the stick.
  2. Choose life. Bless yourself the way you’d bless your best friend. You both deserve blessing, not curse.
  3. Commit. Do it anyway, even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it.
  4. Confront the armor. Name the overthinking out loud, then set it down.

And here’s a bonus. When you do overthink (because you will, and so will I), give yourself a hug. You’re adorable, remember?

Your Millie Moment: This Week, Do These Four Things

One caught thought. One named fear. One brave action. That’s how a recovering overthinker moves forward.

And friend, it would bless my heart to hear from you. Which of the four C’s hit you hardest? All I need to hear is “Me too, Cathy.”

Resources & Links

💚 Remember: The customers who love you love you, not your perfect decisions. Your family loves you, not your flawless week. Your team is waiting for you to lead, not to be perfect. Thank you for being here for the first 101 episodes. You are astonishingly, fabulously adorable. And you are loved. Armor off. Choose life.